i only notice Your face, no matter what You’re gonna break my shell

I’m Sorry | Flyleaf

So the day started off sucking.  I woke up to a nosebleed [which like, never happens but has happened twice this winter], both my debit cards and my bus pass were missing, and you know, it was early.  I was pretty much ready to write the day off before it even started.

Starbucks fixed me.  Not only because of the copious amounts of caffeine and sugar it caused me to consume, which did help, and not only because it was delicious, but because out of nowhere, Starbucks messed up both mine and Terina’s drinks which we looked at in confusion as they arrived on the counter:


That is one heck of a Frappuccino.  Not only that, is that I discovered White Mocha Frappuccinos, which are delicious and I was okay to consume a large amount of white mocha Frapp due to that delicious.  But yes, huge.  Thank goodness for Tiffani sitting beside me helping me with it throughout the service this morning.

The Frappuccino sat under my chair as the service went on and as the service ended awaiting consumption, perhaps awaiting when I would need another cheer-up. 

Our latest series is on tough stuff in general–today was no exception, today delivered, because life can be hard.  They’re services that it’s hard to get through if you have any sort of personal connection to the topic.  Today’s service was especially hard for one of my friends sitting beside me, and it spoke to parts of my past, too, parts that I have overcome with Jesus . . . things that Jesus is working in my friend to overcome.  At times like that, He Loves Us is more impactful than it is on a non-heavy Sunday morning.  I definitely didn’t get through “I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about . . . how He loves us.” without some tears (which happens more often than not.  I mean, how GOOD is that lyric?]

I firmly believe though that tears are outward signs of God working on the inside, outward signs of beginning or continual healing, and that is a really cool thing.  A thing that lead to the end of service, sitting with my arms around the same friend from above and just praying for God to help her feel that He is walking with her through this . . . tears heal.  Love heals.  JESUS heals.

And Starbucks to pick you up again doesn’t hurt . . . prayer being draining is definitely a good thing too.  There is LIGHT in all of this.  But if darkness didn’t exist . . . light wouldn’t matter.  It is amazing how God created such things to complete one another.

The irony is, LIGHT ended up being our unintentional theme in our room today with the three year olds.  I was trying to think up a quote about children [since our Bible verse had already been there a month] for our board.  I got this:

photo (14) The lady at the desk behind me told me I was very creative when I was drawing stars all over it.  I think being creative is a prerequisite for working with three year olds.  So, I guess I’m in the right place.  [See also: I know how to deal with criers and new kids ;).  New kiddo today and it was her family’s first time at our church.  She clung to her mom, I showed them around, she got excited by the trains, and did not care about her mom leaving anymore (though, she did wait for me before going anywhere, but that works, whatever).

Here was our craft:photo (15)

photo (16)

How cute is that?

LIGHT, hugs and high-fives from three year olds and goofy praise songs were exactly what I needed after the service.

(Oh yeah, and my bus pass and one of two debit cards were found)

. . . Cause there’s a light in your eyes, and it tells me that God is on our side.

Light in Your Eyes | Flyleaf


starbucks trenta

Yesterday we actually talked about Frappuccinos in Issues in Health.  Because a Grande (473 mL [16 oz]) Frapp packs 400+ calories.  Yes delicious.  But yes, they constitute a whole freaking meal that way [which is primarily how I enjoy them, albeit a non-nutritious meal.  See also: is a frapp REALLY better than no breakfast?].

Big news, people:

(source – nationalpost)

Okay, I may be short, but I am a Tall girl.  I think I’ve had a Grande once, and that is because Starbucks sends out Free Birthday Drinks if you register your Starbucks gift card.  And when Free Drinks come, you take advantage of the Grande.  I could not even brave the Venti.

So let’s get this straight.  A Trenta will be 1.94 times bigger than a Grande.  Meaning a Trenta frappuccino will pack in 776 calories.

Oh, not only that, but it won’t fit in your stomach.  So I can’t even drink all of it?  What is the point?

This can not be safe.  It is definitely not healthy.  See also: not good for your pancreas and/or kidneys.

That said, I might just have to see if I can actually consume nearly a litre of Frappuccino without hating myself/spontaneously combusting later.  Then I’ll have to spend an entire day in the gym.  Unfortunately, since caffeine makes me tired-ish, it’ll have to be the next day, because with that much caffeine in my body I’ll probably be zonked.

This is craziness, people.  Good thing they just lowered the adult physical activity guidelines */sarcasm.

notebooks, purple pens, airplanes, and self-revelations in the mall

I’ve always been hugely intrigued [and envious] of people who have the ability to travel a lot.  You know, even the people who live dangerously and live in a van and sleep on random people’s couches to some degree.  Today’s bout of this reflection upon the actual art of travel was likely sparked by listening to my friend Eric’s album, Words & Sounds, which then led to looking at his photography from abroad – many of the places he’s travelled in his 28 years.

And it makes me want to get on a plane and go somewhere, anywhere, with a camera in my hand.  It probably doesn’t help that my friend jetted off to Florida for a Bahaman cruise yesterday, because I can simply hear the word ‘plane’ and I get jealous. 

I long for what’s outside of what I can see.

Two things I’ve noticed, is that I’m kind of meant to be in the air, and I’m kind of meant to be not at home.  Being stationary, being in a box of a city, only works for me for so long.

I was in the mall tonight and it just confuses me, actually.  I’ve never been good, exactly, at just shopping.  Except, maybe, when I’m not in my hometown.  I like it fine, but I suck at spending money on stuff like that.  It seems, actually, that I’m just a little challenged as to conducting myself like a “normal” person who blows spends money on dresses and shoes and does the bar and spends her time thinking about guys.  Maybe that’s why I don’t do pop music.  Of course I do those things, think about those things, but they’re not my life.

Is it a problem that I actually dream big?  Dream beyond this?  Dream beyond what I can see?  Because people don’t get that, they really don’t.  I guess it’s a weird concept that at nineteen I’d rather use the money I make or the money I am given to go places—that I save for things like plane tickets and hotel rooms and only really succumb to impatience when I’m not sure if I have travel partners doing the same, rather than sit around here and spend it on clothes and stuff that will last.

Because a trip lasts only in nonmaterial value—memories—as opposed to in material value.

Travel lasts in the acquisition of life experience.  Travel for me lasts in photographs and videos and journals and all the song lyrics I’ve scratched in spiral notebooks in backseats of cars and in airplanes and hotel rooms.  I would really like to just spend my life going places, exploring with a camera and a notebook and a laptop to compile all my thoughts on.  Anias Nin, who has written some of the greatest quotes I have ever come across, wrote “My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living”.  That’s kind of how I feel about creativity. 

I can only grow so much through repeating what I’ve already done.  The regular, the normal, is no longer a challenge.  Not to say that there is not more of my hometown to explore, but that I need to start seeing it differently to explore it deeper.  I need to change my perspective to bring it back.

Someone had the bright idea to put me on six planes in five days when I was three and take me to Texas.  They started all this, this not wanting the stable [because if anything is unstable, it is a three year old on three planes in a day who is actually totally okay with it.  That was me].  I’m spoiled.  I’ve been privileged, blessed, to explore five provinces and eight states in my nineteen years.  I’ve been privileged to see a lot more of this continent than many of my peers.  Heck, I don’t even spend most summer weekends in the city, and mostly, that is a blessing.  I go stir-crazy.  Winter makes me stir-crazy so by the beginning of spring I’m so ready to go somewhere.  By the middle of September I’m ready to kick it at home.  By November, I’m once again dying to temporarily get outta my hometown.

Maybe I’m just at that point now, at the end of December, when the last place I went was nearly two months ago.  Two hours away at the youth retreat, even that was far enough away for me—somewhere new, experiencing something new, writing something new.  Longing to be gone is a vicious cycle I’ve grappled with since I was fourteen, and I feel it’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

And I need to construct something creative with this longing, this desire.  I need to sit in an airport or on a plane with a big notebook and preferably, a handful of purple pens.  I need to see new things, need to live through a camera lens.

Starbucks would be a nice addition, too. 

I mean, I need some consistency if I’m going to dream about living on the road.  I can find enough consistency in Starbucks.

12 of 12 – december ‘10

Last 12 of 12 of 2010!

On the 12th of each month, a bunch of bloggers take 12 pictures throughout the day.  These are my pictures for December 12th, 2010.


7:15 AM – bed.  Eff.  I have to get up and go to church in this?  Good thing I love my church.


7:47 am – bus stop.  This is the biggest lie I have seen ever.  Or today at least.  Canada?  Warm?


8:49 am – church.  Oh how I love my church’s proximity to Starbucks.  Although my gingerbread latte was totally, totally a letdown.  I had to go back tonight and have a caramel apple spice to make myself feel better.DSCF5673 10:46 am – church.  Our first kiddo arrived in the three year old room.  She was super-intensely writing a list on an offering envelope.


1:50 pm – kitchen.  What this open Dr Pepper can is doing amongst the produce I have no idea.


3:16 pm – kitchen.  Studying sociology.  Evil, evil textbook.  Well, I guess since I was reading about maltreatment, it is evil.


3:19 pm – kitchen.  I went to my room for popcorn twists [which were semi-stale] and found a totally hardened muffin.  I am fortunate muffins do not mold, or I would probably have puked.  I do not do mold.


5:42 pm – bedroom.  I finally had enough with the inhaler hits [my lungs hate winter] and did a breathing treatment, which has kept me pretty dang open the last six hours.  Even though my neb was doing something weird and it took FOREVER to do a freaking unit dose.  I hate asthma.


5:44 pm – bathroom.  See how cold it is?  I am wearing FOUR layers on my upper body.  In your face, Canada.


6:46 pm = church.  Enter the Farewell Party for the epic and lovely Browns.  This “welcome.  we’re glad you’re with us today.” sign makes me feel really good whenever I walk into my church.  I’m totally, totally blessed to be here and to have gotten to experience the awesome love that is Drew and Sara the last three and a half months.


9:59 pm – church.  My lovely friends Tiffani [left] and Tara [right].  They are sisters and awesome.


11:14 pm – kitchen.  Posting my 12 of 12.  One of my pictures didn’t turn out as I thought it did, so I’m short one, kay?  Dang. ;-)  Short one no longer! [Well, I’m still a short one :)].

12 of 12 was created by Chad Darnell.  Click here to see all the December 12 of 12s.

It’s been a great year, all – see you in 2011!

12 of 12 – september 2010!

On the 12th day of the month, a bunch of bloggers take 12 pictures throughout the day.  Here are my pictures for September 12th, 2010.


8:26 am – Starbucks.  Good morning lovely baristas whom I made decide for me—they chose a pumpkin spice latte over a white chocolate mocha.  I approve of their decision.


8:32 am – downtown.  There were many tables on the side of the street.  No idea what THAT was about.


8:42 am – church.  Getting stoked for an epic service!


10:48 am – church.  I’m helping out with the three year olds this year, and it was my first go at it.  The kiddos have to wear these security tags so people who aren’t their parents can’t take them away from us.  It was lots of fun.


2:33 pm – kitchen.  Holy spicy kimichi, batman.  Not much of this ended up getting eaten, I don’t do spicy well.  I didn’t know it was going to be spicy, I just thought it’d be instant noodle-y.


2:51 pm – kitchen.  That is MUCH better.  Peanut butter on graham crackers.  Yum and not spicy.


3:29 pm – kitchen.  Getting my nutrition studying on.


9:47 pm – kitchen.  Finally burned End of Silence by Red to a CD.  Finally.


10:42 pm – bathroom.  Forgot to turn the fan on when I had a bath.  This is the mirror, which I drew a heart on.


10:56 pm – kitchen.  Found a text from my friend wanting to join my Run for the Cure team.  YEAH!


11:21 pm – dining room.  Ready for school . . .


11:22 pm – kitchen.  Because I am four years old.  Milk in a Blues Clues cup.  Bedtime.


12 of 12 was created by Chad Darnell.  You can see all the 12 of 12s by visiting his blog.