why are you here?

That was one of the questions we were asked in sociology this term.

Why are you here?

You can answer it on the small scale.  Like “Why are you here reading this blog right now?”

Or “Why are you here living in THIS place you live in?”

Or the biggest one . . . “Why are you here alive?”


Last night, my friend Tara and I were talking about organ donation.  Since I was in the eleventh grade, I have been a definite organ donation advocate.  To me, it’s clear and it’s simple: if I die in a way that my organs can be donated to save someone’s life, then TAKE THEM.  This discussion lead to Tara telling me that her boyfriend doesn’t share our views on the subject of organ donation.  And I know I can’t change anybody’s mind, and I know that not everybody is going to share my stance on it.  And in most situations, I can understand people’s apprehension behind some of the things I believe and agree with.  And in regard to organ donation, I just can’t.  Some people, I understand, it’s against their religion, and that’s fine, I respect that.  But to just not want someone taking your organs to make them continue to be useful when you can’t use them anymore?  I just think that’s stupid.

A few years ago, a documentary was made in Vancouver called 65_RedRoses [in Canada, click here to watch].  It followed the story of Eva Markvoort, a young woman with Cystic Fibrosis as she awaited a double-lung transplant.

Eva received her transplant.  In following her transplant recovery and complications, the following quote always sticks out to me.

I wasn’t here for six days, and I came back.  Because people needed me.  They wouldn’t be okay if I wasn’t here.

She went on to continue be a huge advocate for transplant and the CF community in Canada which you can read about on her blog.

Unfortunately, Eva’s lungs rejected and she died while waiting for a second transplant.


Eva knew why she was here.

She used every moment she had to love people.


Some of us have stared death in the face.  But the truth is, we’re all dying.  What are you going to do to make this moment count?

Why are you here?

Feel free to tell me in the comments.


forward . . .

I need to get back on track.  Jesus, workouts, learning, engaging, community.  Writing.

I need to break this monotony, this monotony that changes every single day but is still monotony.  Two weeks left of work until what will probably be the most challenging week of my summer, inclusion at camp.  So, so ready to see, though, what God has in store that week.  There are, I’m feeling, reasons why I am headed that direction.  Why all the pieces regarding work fell into place so I could attend camp.

But that’s two weeks away.  I need to get back on track now.  Or I don’t know what will slip next.

rejoice for He is risen!

I had a really cool Easter. 

I started the day with my 3rd ever Easter church service of my life, and it was awesome.  It just felt really energizing and focusing and fantastic. 

I then got to hang with one of my girlies from youth where we mostly played with my camera and she hugged me a lot :).  Love the girls I’ve had an opportunity to get to know through my church’s youth program.  Also, one of the other youth leaders found candy canes on his dresser and brought them to church.  Because, really, what says EASTER more than candy canes?

This was followed by spending some chaotic time in the three year old room, where everything simmered down when they got in for stories and worship.  I had a little buddy who was so adorable through the time we spent in the teaching portion.  He’s three but has just started talking, so he repeats EVERYTHING you say, and decided I was his friend for today.  Three year old cuddles between praise songs are the bestest.

At home while waiting to go to family dinner I did some varieties of running around because the city turned off our water so they could fix something at our neighbours’ place.  Once that calmed down [aka we had showered and acquired a port-a-potty from my grandparents—gotta love being lake people] I read some of the Easter story in the Bible which just felt super awesome. 

"display the bright splendor of your Son, so the Son in turn may show Your bright splendor"

John 17:1

Intermingle this with a lot of praise music, and even the chaos can be really refreshing.  I think that’s kind of a reminder of where I should be ALL THE TIME.  In the chaos, REJOICE.  PRAISE.  SEEK.  And I have to get better at that.

time has come and gone and things have come along that take me away from You

—Spending Time, Stellar Kart

So often I talk so much and never listen.  I talk so much and never actually open up, never actually say anything—not even to my Maker.

I feel like I’m too busy.  I don’t see my friends outside of school, I don’t write and do non-school things as much as I’d like to.  I haven’t played my guitar in months.  I have this pattern of school-homework-work-workouts-church stuff.

And I feel like that has to change.  I feel like everything is speaking to me that my relationship with God needs to be what I’m working on—and I don’t know how I let that slip away.  Yet I’m too distracted, too scattered, too whatever, to be able to focus on that.  Because all this preoccupation does not even just get my time but also my brain-time—school especially.  There are parts of my life that I need to pour into more—my girls at church, school, Jesus—and stuff that is just hanging there, waiting for me to deal with it.

So what gives?  I’m still trying to figure that out. 

“and that’s why Jesus came, He came so we don’t have to die for the things that we chose, the death that we chose. and he told me, he said ‘[Jesus] didn’t come just to save you from your sins, He came to gave you life, and to give it to you to the fullest.’ and that’s why i’m still alive. […] who am i to say that … He saved me from hating Him, and hating people. i began to love people after i got—after i became a Christian, because i knew that He loved people.”

Lacey Mosley

my heart . . . is alive

My thoughts have all been really tangled lately, so much so that I haven’t been able to write a coherent post.

God is definitely moving in me and that’s really, really cool.  I am learning more about TRUSTING His faithfulness every day; even now.  I’m finding myself once again contemplating phrases, contemplating past and present and future.  Where I’ve come from, where I am, where I’m going.  Contemplating this crazy thing called life, where God has saved my life before I even knew Him, and then again when I met Him. 

My heart is beating because of my God; my God who knows I can’t do this on my own, my God who knows more about me than I know about me, my God who has turned me from nothing into something.  My God who has LOVED this broken heart to healing.

My God who has given me life and hope.

i am finding out / that maybe i was wrong / that i’ve fallen down / and i can’t do this alone . . . stay with me.  this is what i need, please

sing us a song and we’ll sing it back to You / we could sing our own, but what would it be without You?

i am nothing now / and it’s been so long / since i’ve heard a sound / the sound of my only hope . . . this time i will be listening.

this heart, it beats, beats for only You.  this heart, it beats, beats for only You.  my heart is Yours.  [my heart it beats for You, it beats, beats for only You, my heart is Yours, please don’t go now, please don’t fade away].

my heart, paramore

“In this world you will have trouble; take heart!  For I have overcome the world” // john 16:33

what i’ve overcome

what i've overcome

The thing I dig so much about this song is that it isn’t preachy in any way.  Because Fireflight is a Christian band, and I’m a Christian, I read it in the Christian context.  But it doesn’t need to be interpreted that way.  The Someone saving us, could be anything—a Higher Power, a significant other, a friend, who saves us from ourselves . . .

I know for me, the Someone saving me, though, is God.  God came into my life at a point where I still didn’t actually believe He existed, but I was ready, so ready, to give up and just quit life.  He continues, day after day, to not let me fall into the same traps of desperation, but to continue to seek out happiness, love and LIFE.  Our passions keep us breathing, believing.  My passion . . . Jesus.

Before I had Him, though . . . I was depressed.  Bullying and the delayed by two and a half years realization that one of your best friends really has died, out of nowhere so it seemed, and really generally just feeling crappy about yourself does that.  I spent the summer of ‘05 in a dark place, and either numb or really down.  I felt defeated, and I felt like there really was no purpose to being here . . . I remember questioning my grade seven social studies teacher on the meaning of life if we’ were all just gonna die anyways . . . that was before the depression stuff really kicked in.  I was curious, but maybe it was a lead.  Because really, what is the point if we’re all just going to die?  I thought that.  I thought death was the answer.

That’s why we need passion.  A reason to change this world while we’re here, and something to keep on living for.

But I overcame that lifelessness inside me.  I opened up my heart to feel again, feel things other than desperation. 

Because the desperate spot?  It was filled with Jesus.

These things, though, the things I’ve done in the past—the depressed stuff, the eating-issue stuff, the mistakes . . . have all shaped who I am.  They have no impact on the way the world perceives me now unless I speak of them, but they’ve changed me.  But in a bigger way, God has changed me.  He gives me second, third, fourth, fifth chances.  He lets me make mistakes, He lets me fall, so He can say “Okay, so what have you learned?”

God has used these things in my past, to break me and build me stronger.