words of thoughts. + switchfoot concert.

i turned twenty this weekend.

i spent lots of the weekend tweeting in lowercase, listening to music, and just thinking.  i ate a lot of cupcakes.  i watched tlc and mtv and hung out with some of my family.

i ate amazing smores brownies from none other than our awesome neighbour Lori, the master chef of the Little Kitchen on the Prairie.


i spent a few hours writing late at night.  so good.  so, so good.  i hope to expand on some of that in the blog soon.  it was full of stuff that has been brewing a long time, but has finally surfaced as to what i really need, what i really mean.  i’m really excited about that.

photo (47)

i culminated and ended the weekend with brenda and tara at an amazing, amazing show by the amazing, amazing switchfoot.  brenda scored us amazing seats.

so. much. talent.









rejoice for He is risen!

I had a really cool Easter. 

I started the day with my 3rd ever Easter church service of my life, and it was awesome.  It just felt really energizing and focusing and fantastic. 

I then got to hang with one of my girlies from youth where we mostly played with my camera and she hugged me a lot :).  Love the girls I’ve had an opportunity to get to know through my church’s youth program.  Also, one of the other youth leaders found candy canes on his dresser and brought them to church.  Because, really, what says EASTER more than candy canes?

This was followed by spending some chaotic time in the three year old room, where everything simmered down when they got in for stories and worship.  I had a little buddy who was so adorable through the time we spent in the teaching portion.  He’s three but has just started talking, so he repeats EVERYTHING you say, and decided I was his friend for today.  Three year old cuddles between praise songs are the bestest.

At home while waiting to go to family dinner I did some varieties of running around because the city turned off our water so they could fix something at our neighbours’ place.  Once that calmed down [aka we had showered and acquired a port-a-potty from my grandparents—gotta love being lake people] I read some of the Easter story in the Bible which just felt super awesome. 

"display the bright splendor of your Son, so the Son in turn may show Your bright splendor"

John 17:1

Intermingle this with a lot of praise music, and even the chaos can be really refreshing.  I think that’s kind of a reminder of where I should be ALL THE TIME.  In the chaos, REJOICE.  PRAISE.  SEEK.  And I have to get better at that.

being a literally broke student + grace and blame

My previous jokes about being a poor student came true today.  Having your debit card decline payment of the food you just ate due to insufficient funds is scary.  Especially scary when your OTHER debit card is yet again lost and you can’t access your OTHER bank account.

I freaked out.  Sam, being the awesome person she is, of course spotted me money for our adorable heart-shaped pizzas at Boston Pizza.  Then she drove me to the bank where I freaked out on the lady who told me she couldn’t tell me anything about my account because it was a trust account and my mom had to be there.  Basically I was like “This piece of plastic gets me into that account, and that account has ten dollars in it now, and I am freaking out and you need to tell me what is going on.”

Let’s get this straight—my bank is like a small town bank.  One time the Bank Lady I was dealing with did not know how to use the printer and she did not know how to process a money order, okay?  Another time I could not get $300 USD.  I would think that $300 USD would be an acceptable and simple amount of American money to acquire via your financial institution, but it turns out I was wrong.

What was going on was I bought $450 of textbooks and a $302 iPod and then was essentially, you know, broke after buying things like overpriced cafeteria food at school.  Because seriously, I handed that bank lady my ID and was like “she is my MOM and this is MY account and she is on there because we opened this account when I was SEVEN.  THAT is probably why it is a trust account, and she will be coming in THIS AFTERNOON to relinquish control of my funds.”

Except I said it much less eloquently than that and more angrily and then Bank Lady decided I was legit and started spouting off numbers of Future Shop and university and food purchases and it all made sense, except for the part about the trust account [which I knew previously from past arguments with the bank].  Bank Lady could not give me a statement though and my MOM had to go in there and pick it up if I wanted it.

I essentially became a poor student, because I could not even buy lunch on debit.  It was scary.

My mom saved me from my poorness and met me at the bank and relinquished any  control of my bank account that she never used anyways, and replaced the money she owed me for textbooks and then some while I tried not to be too angry at the bank again.  Because every time I go in there I have some sort of problem.  Yes, I know becoming poor was my own fault because no, I did not read my last statement they mailed me, but really, last time that whole Trust Account issue would not allow me to withdraw $35 from them, and then I walked twenty steps to the ATM, withdrew, and got change for $40 from them.

The thing is, I know I have people who have my back, I know I have investments and alternate savings accounts.  I know I have another bank account with money in it.  And it scares me to know that how I felt today must be intensified hugely when you are an independent adult with legit bills to pay and people to feed and you DON’T have the above things and you get a receipt that says INSUFFICIENT FUNDS.  People who have debt and mortgages and children and pets and have to buy essentials like food and soap and medicine who cannot make ends meet.

When Bank Lady was clicking at her computer, I was leaning on her Teller Ledge with my hands on my forehead praying for grace and resolution while Sam stood beside me, witnessing me verbally accosting Bank Lady with, um, very little grace.  I’m not a good angry person—I don’t yell, I just, you know, get all frustrated and talk weird, and often call the bank stupid as I am leaving it.

I encounter problems with my bank all the time.  Yet this was not a fault of theirs, but of mine.  Most of my faults with my bank are actually faults with myself—they’re just doing their job, I’m the one who thinks what they do sucks when they charge me $16 for a money order or don’t let me withdraw money straight from the Tella’ Fella. 

These problems are not with them, they are with me.  But of course, while blaming ourselves is the easiest thing to do in some situations, it is the toughest to do in others.

plenty fathered

you can’t mold me, i take the clay and make a snake / you can’t hold me, i won’t be anything that’s fake / take my life / but don’t take my license to thrill

i wonder why i ever bothered / you can’t see i’ve been plenty fathered / and sometimes i can see straight through your blue eyes / you’re so blind, you can’t see when someone else cries

you just can’t strip away my quirkiness today / i guess it’s not so bad . . .

License to Thrill, Katy Rose

Separate worlds, separate music.  Separate.

And this.  Oh how I *love* dinner at my house.  It’s either stuff like this or being told to shut up.  Awesome.


If I raised you, you wouldn’t be so mouthy!


Maybe you should have raised me then.

My mom then stifled a laugh, and he shut up.  I won that round.

Father are you listening? (Gotta let him go) / Father are you listening?

I am the bullet.

If I am the son, and I am the right, then how do I rest upon this? / If i am the one that murders the tribe / then how do I kiss the hand I bit?

A wrist is slit so I can mend / How am I supposed to breathe in?

The chamber is full / and I am the gun. / For everything that you’ve ever loved

Erasing the tone in shaping the line / that this is an open market / for any of you individuals / wiling to make bets upon my soul.

A stepping through to the other side / is your own accord / and my own soft shaking.

And you’re loved, loved, loved, loved, loved

And I am alone.


Stepping Through, Resident Hero

sport shopping day 2010

That’s right folks.  Boxing day is SO a sport.  At least in my family.  This morning, I wasn’t wearing the team uniform for Team Discovery Channel, which is a toque.  My teammates [cousins] Dean and Alyssa almost kicked me off the team, so I bought this toque at our second stop [SportChek] so I would be reinstated as a member.  I missed the meeting, okay?!

Thank goodness it was $7.88.  Actually, I really like it.  I just have a lot of toques, but this was a toque emergency.


Yes the butterflies are upside down,  I don’t know what is up with that.  They are unique or something.  Yes, also, I am wearing too hoodies and a toque indoors.  It is Canada in here.  By which I mean cold.

Our team race was not as intense this year.  I don’t know who actually won or whatever.  All I know is I checked into enough music stores to get the Ellen Sounds So Good badge on Foursquare.  Because I am a nerd, thank you very much.

I also bought the most expensive item, I believe.  Check out my epic setup.


But if I got a prize for that, it would be relinquished, as said shiny monitor is going back to Best Buy because while it is cool to be able to tweet from one monitor and YouTube on the other, it is not worth keeping a monitor for that when that is not the purpose you purchased said $79 monitor for.  Because I thought I would be able to, you know, actually USE the options in my video editing software and show the PREVIEW on the secondary monitor while editing on the primary [laptop] monitor.  And through four hours of trying, I cannot.  So, Shiny Monitor is back in its box and is heading on a voyage back to Best Buy in a few days.

I also bought pink guitar picks and a guitar stand for my father since he was jealous of the one that I got from my mom for Christmas.  You know how it is.  The epic guy at Quest had to “rob” one for me from beneath an on-sale Dean guitar.  Which is, you know, EPIC.  And then Dean was carrying it and dropped a piece on the sidewalk and a guy saw and picked it up and then we realized and he was like “I thought I was going to have to run after you guys down the street.”  And we all had a good laugh and thanked him.

We also managed to get from one music store to another by only turning once, which was pretty magical, especially considering we didn’t actually know where we were going.  Go mine and Dean’s navigation skills—or lack-there-of.

Also, I got new epic PJ pants from my grandma.  They have freaking DUCKS on them.  And they are PINK and POLAR FLEECE and SOFT.  Also, did I say DUCKS?  Ducks are freaking awesome.  I never had any sort of attraction to ducks until now, but yeah, they are cute.

jumpy – look at that . . !

So, I had this brainchild.  It came in the form of a photo, included a sunset, electric guitars, and jumping.  It was expressed in the form of a photo contest entry.  And that crazy brainchild won second place, presumably by a guy who actually doesn’t like sunset pictures—i mean, it’s sort of daybreak looking instead.

I’ve got my aunt and cousin [that’s right, Dean] to thank for the picture, the several evenings on the beach and the countless re-dos . . . and the check I got in the mail today.  How cool is that?