victim of this haze

and you, you are a victim of this haze

Pain Lies on the Riverside, Live

photo (10)

I took this picture at 7:30 am on the way to school yesterday.  My initial thought was that it didn’t turn out, and I didn’t want the person in it, and I would look at it again later and then delete it.

However, last night I had this thought after our youth event, and I think it’s been stirring in me for quite some time.  I wrote it out like this:

i just realized we are socialized to believe what we are TOLD about God, and not think of what we believe about Him for ourselves.

I don’t know why it took me so long to phrase it like that, but that just summates everything I’ve been thinking over the last few years so well.  Why I spent so much time out of the physical church, why I could walk in faith but still refuse to walk blindly.  Why I’ve felt like I’m fighting myself because of what people tell me about God that I don’t agree with, that I don’t believe is who He is.  And the thing I think some people are missing is, I mean, God created us to think for ourselves.

heard a lot of talk about the ocean / heard a lot of talk about the sea / heard a lot of talk about a lot of things / never meant that much to me . . . / heard a lot of talk about my spirit / heard a lot of talk about my soul / but i decided anxiety and pain were better friends / so i let it go

did you let it go?

heard a lot of talk about this Jesus / a man of love and strength / but what He meant was two thousand years / means nothing at all to me today / He could have been telling me about my higher self / but He only lives inside my prayer / so what He was may have been beautiful / but the pain is right now and right here

did you give it up, did you give it up, did you give it up?

Operation Spirit (The Tyranny of Tradition), Live

There was haze in front of me that I am in the process of blowing away.  Separating what I believed about the character of God as a person from what I was being told to believe by so many churches over the last few years.  I can still listen.  I can further decide what I believe beyond what I already know what I believe.  A relationship is about growth.

I am a big believer in Jesus.  I’m a big believer in the ability of love and compassion and redemption to change the world . . . and of those things through ONE person to change the world.  I am not a believer in division, in hate or in religion – I am not a believer in using religion as an excuse to justify actions of intolerance.  I don’t believe Jesus’ meaning has changed from 2000 years ago, but how we USE His meaning likely sure has.

The picture above is a victim of the physical haze, where things are blurred and foggy and don’t turn out quite right.  Life, all of life, is like that.  People can get in the way of what we truly need to seek, or they can make our seeking flourish.  The metaphorical haze of our minds is something we need to clear for ourselves by thinking for ourselves, by questioning and by living.

I think that if you’re not questioning, you miss it, you miss out . . . You’ve a victim of the haze.

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