“Jesus, let me die inside this – raise me up to live again like You did”

—In The Dark // Flyleaf [alternate chorus]

I’m reading Melody Carlson’s Pitch Black right now.  Again.  The focal point of this book is suicide.  It brings up many interesting points, one of which is spiritual suicide through Jesus.  It really causes me to realize that I think if it weren’t through spiritual suicide through Jesus that day in September ‘05, that I would not be here right now.  “Dying to death and rising to life” [Uncle Bobby, Flyleaf].

Because I cannot get over it.  I cannot get over how Jesus so fully fixed what I thought was a totally worthless life, and killed the old part of me so completely.  The bitter, depressed, angsty part of me.  And let me LIVE.

The book highlights Matthew 16:24.  At this point, Jesus says something to His disciples that totally hits me in the face every single time.

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

Matthew 16:24-25, NLT

If I held onto my life, I would have lost it.  In a very, very real way.  Yet, by SURRENDERING my life to Jesus, by giving it all to Him I am here.

I am ALIVE.

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2 thoughts on ““Jesus, let me die inside this – raise me up to live again like You did”

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