and i realize just how beautiful You are

Personally, I think everything is awesome when Flyleaf is performing it.  Lacey’s testimony is very similar to mine, and their lyrics just hit me time after time.  I heard John Mark McMillan, the songwriter, talking about this song yesterday and it just amazed me.  Whenever I think of how BIG God’s love is, I am amazed.  I cannot even comprehend love as big as His.

jmm

Every time I hear or sing “and i realize just how beautiful You are” I tear up.  God’s love is beautiful, more beautiful than I can explain, perhaps more beautiful than I can even know.  John Mark McMillan said he wrote this song in a place of desperation.  And if anything, in me, God has used my desperation to change me, to build me.  He has taken me from places where I’ve been broken, and just loved me, built me up . . . even when I wanted nothing to do with Him.

The summer of ‘05 I was a fourteen year old athiest.  I wasn’t even unsure there wasn’t a God, I “knew” there wasn’t a God.  I was sure of it.  I went to camp, and as best I could ignored the Bible stuff, ignored the worship stuff.  But when I left . . . there were people praying for me.  Something compelled me to stick a Bible in my backpack when I went camping.  Something then compelled me to take a look at it.  And then put it away.  One month after I left camp, desparate and depressed, the word “cancer” sent my world spinning out of control, and I couldn’t do it alone.

I was desperate for more than me.  There’s a Flyleaf quote that goes along with this, but I’m saving that.  And God’s love was able to pull me out of that emotionally self-destructive desperation.

jmm 2

I have felt this.  I have been so in love with God that it hurts, and I want to find out how to get that back.  Because God loves us so much.  And He deserves so much more than I am giving Him.  I don’t deserve Him, but I have Him, and He kept me alive.  I no longer have to regret my past because His love has cleared those experiences from what the world judges me with.  I can speak about those experiences because His love has healed me.

However, I have no idea if I’m making sense right now ‘cause it’s nearly 2 am . . .

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One thought on “and i realize just how beautiful You are

  1. Pingback: london fog, smiling . . . and my God « Kerri on the Prairies

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